There he is! The revered Rav, the gadol hador we had all been waiting to see. The holy words of Torah pour from his mouth and we are all transfixed and awed. Finally. To hear these beautiful Torah teachings from the lips of the Rav himself. What an awesome zechut.
Yet, when I was later asked by friends to describe the situation in detail, I found myself focusing almost as much on the translator’s actions. The man who got up every few minutes to translate the Rav’s Hebrew into English so that we would all understand and be able to receive these brilliant Torah teachings. And then he painstakingly sat down again, just for a few moments but not long enough to rest his legs before having to bop up and take the mike again to translate the next few sentences. The man, a Rav in his own right, who was never introduced, whose name I did not hear announced, prefixed every sentence of his own with “The Rav teaches” or “The Rav says”. His gentle humility struck me with force. I surprised myself by being struck as much by this man’s gentle humility as by the Rav himself. He was an “Aron” to a “Moshe” of our generation.
I write these words on the day of the Omer associated with the kabbalistic sefirah of “Hod she’be Yesod.” Hod is associated with submission, gratitude. Yesod involves grounding, foundations, roots. Let’s explore this combined sefirah in more detail.
Rabbanit Iris Odani gave over a short dvar Torah for every day of the week of Yesod on Jewish Women Unite (See here for more detail). She explains that Hod is epitomised by not just gratitude for the good we see in our lives, but also for the seemingly bad. She teaches that we say “Baruch Tov…… HaTov v’Hamaitiv (Blessed is He who is good and does good) for the good and “Baruch Dayan Ha’Emet” (Blessed is the true Judge) for the apparently bad in our lives. We accept that this “bad” is simply good that we cannot see right now and is actually for our best. Eventually in the World to Come we will understand how it really is for our best. Rabbanit Odani also reminds us that Aron Hakohen is the person who is said to represent Hod. When his sons Nadav and Avihu passed away, Aron accepted the situation as from Hashem without saying anything. He did not complain.
A question arises. Is it a higher madrega to accept with love even if we do not see the good, or to work to see the good in everything Hashem sends our way?
In Perek Shirah, the passuk from Tehillim “Le’maan yezamercha kavod v’lo yidom Hashem Elokai l’olam odeka” (So that my soul might sing to You and not be stilled, Hashem, my G-d, forever I will thank you) (30:13) is attributed to the swallow (snunit) Rav Nosson Sherman (in the Artscroll edition) explains that the swallow never ceases to chirp and sing praise to Hashem, no matter what transpires. He distinguishes between Aron, who accepted the Divine decree that his sons died with silence but could not sing, and David, who recognised and sang praise to Hashem in every situation.
Nachum Ish Gam Zu and Rabbi Akiva were both men of endless faith. Rabbi Avika was Nachum Ish Gamzu’s pupil. However, they each expressed their faith in a different way. Nachum used to say, “Gam zu l’tovah,” which in Hebrew means: “This is also for good.” In contrast, Rabbi Akiva used to say, “Kol man d’avid Rachmana l’tav avid,” which in Aramaic (the language most widely spoken by the Jewish people at that time) meant: “All that the Merciful One does, it will be good.” Rabbi Akiva’s perspective on life was interpreted to mean that it WILL work out as good in the future, even if he/we cannot see it right now.
Chazal have taught that Nachum’s faith was a higher level than Rabbi Akiva’s because it encompassed a belief that what was happening at that very moment was from Hashem and thus was good, no matter what (See for instance). However, perhaps we could make a case for Rabbi Akiva’s way as being in a sense a higher madrega, or at least involving a completely different facet of faith, encompassing the middah of hod. Perhaps by acknowledging the present as challenging but accepting that in the future we will see how it turns out for the best, Rabbi Akiva’s perspective was on par with Aron HaKohen who humbly accepted in silence whatever Hashem decreed for him. In times when we cannot see the good due to our humanness, yet humbly remain silent, we are exhibiting a silence borne of loving acceptance. This acknowledgement of a faith in the future despite current pain may arguably epitomise a more hod-like, submission to Hashem’s will.
It is certainly admirable (and even a mitzvah) to seek out the good in every situation and have an ‘ayin tov’. It is certainly admirable to strive to rely on our intellect to find explanations for things that happen. (This reminds me of a bedtime game we used to play with our children called the “Maybe Game” where we would take something seemingly bad that happened that day and explain how it could really be for the best). But arguably the sefirah of “hod” is something slightly different. “Hod” requires a stopping and staying right wherever we are – whether a place of confusion, sadness, loss – and STILL acknowledging that Hashem knows best, He knows better than us because He is greater than us. We cannot reach yet a place of seeing the good, but we trust and acknowledge that He in His greater height can see over the next mountain to the beautiful place of perfection.
When we actively work to change our perspective on something –for instance by listing with gratitude all that He does, by intellectually searching for the good in every situation – we may gain more genuine hakarat hatov. It certainly does involve a certain type of belief, emuna. However, this version of emuna by its very definition involves an element of ego, as it is governed by a need to satiate our intellect and understanding. I need to understand, I need to make sense of this, I need it to feel good. By changing ourselves and our perspective, we are trying essentially to bend the situation to fit in with our prism of reality.
In contrast, hod involves humbly accepting that we cannot see the good due to our limited perspective but accepting and acknowledging that Hashem can. He will allow us to see it in the World to Come. Hod involves essentially bending our will to fit in with Hashem’s will.
And this, perhaps, is the Yesod in the sefirah of “Hod she’beYedod”. The foundational aspect of the submission. An acknowledgement of His greater good, of His Ultimate power and will, from a solid, foundational place deep within. No matter what happens – the good, the seemingly good, the bad, the seemingly bad – instead of categorising it and working to change it or understand it with our finite, human intellect, with hod she b’yesod we humbly bow our heads to His greatness, submitting to what He has ordained for us and building our emuna from there.
How can we apply this message to our parenting practice this week?
Whatever interactions we experience with our children and families, if we continually remind ourselves that they are ordained by Hashem and He knows best and can see the good, we will be one step closer towards parenting with “Hod she’b’Yesod”.
Hod she’b’Yesod doesn’t require us to reach a place of feeling good right in the present moment. Rather, it takes facing those difficult, challenging, annoying, frustrating, confusing, contradicting or downright sad, parenting moments – a child who repeatedly plays up, a child who cannot find their be’shert, a child that is on the spectrum, a child with chronic health problems, a child who hates school, a child who marries out, chas v’shalom – with silence. Soundlessly raising our eyes Heavenward. Mutely bowing our head in acceptance of His ultimate Will. Wordlessly acknowledging that though we in our frail, comparative smallness cannot, He who knows best CAN see the good.
Wishing you all a beautiful Shabbas, resonating with a loving acceptance of all that He has sent your way.
With bracha
Chaiya Danielle Ledder