In the Erev Shabbos Maa’riv and also in the Kiddush for Friday night we say “vay’chal Elokim B’yom Hashvi’I melachto asher asah,vayishbot b’yom Hashvi’I micol melachto..”. (Hashem finished his work on the 7th day that he had done and he abstained from all His work). (Bereishit 2:1-3)
We might ask – what is the tangible difference between “vay’chal” meaning finishing and “va’yishbot”, abstaining? Even though the words seem similar, if the Torah uses both words, it means that neither are redundant and therefore they must have different meanings.
The Arstcoll Siddur explains that there is a fundamental difference between the two concepts. Whereas “finished” or “completed” suggests that there is nothing more to be done, “abstaining” refers to the command of actively stopping work even though it has yet to be completed. We hold back from completing our task, which is still ongoing. Avnei Eliyahu teaches that the Torah uses both words to show that even for work that people are in the middle of, they should abstain when Shabbat comes around.
Perhaps this idea can be extrapolated further. I would like to suggest that “finish” can refer to physical labour – our jobs, our mundane work tasks, our avodah which we can easily and tangibly let go of when Erev Shabbas arrives. In contrast, “abstain” can refer to emotional work – our interpersonal relationships, our thoughts and feelings in our hearts. Specifically, abstaining might refer to an abstinence of machloket, bickering, resentment, jealousies or anger that we may harbour inside.
Such interpersonal issues often seem continuous. Our thoughts never cease, so how can we abstain from them? They are arguably much more difficult to step away from on Shabbat. Based on Avnei Eliyahu’s explanation, these thoughts are the areas of work which remain unfinished by the time Shabbos rolls around. We are commanded to “abstain” from our unfinished work – meaning our emotional battles and negative feelings. On Shabbos we have to try to reach a point where we step away from those thoughts that are not conducive to Shabbos menucha (rest). Even though they are not “complete” and the issues feel unresolved, we must strive to have the mental power, the gevura to hold back, to actively try to avoid thinking or stewing over them, to give them a rest.
However, arguably abstaining from thinking certain thoughts and feeling certain feelings is difficult. Sometimes it may seem that a random or stray thought just pops into our heads on Shabbos, and that we do not have the same level of control over these as we do over our physical limbs and labours. What can we do?
At a shiur, a member of the congregation once asked South African David Shaw whether we are held responsible for our thoughts. He explained that we are not responsible for chochmah, that spark of thought that apparently randomly pops into our minds. However, we are responsible for when we choose to dwell on the thoughts and explore them more deeply.
We may find a clue as to our practical avodah in this regard in the third paragraph of Shema where we read “v’lo taturu acharei levavchem v’acharei eneichem asher atem zonim achareihem (“Do not explore after your heart and after your eyes after which you stray”). The instruction not to explore something that we have already followed suggests that there is a two step process here. First, we may be distracted by something that takes us away from our correct path (Rashi explains this as “the eyes see, the heart covets and the body sins”). This passuk seems to accept as inevitable that this step will happen to us, and does not instruct us to avoid straying altogether. Rather, it teaches us that when we inevitably do stray, we actively must avoid exploring or following these distracting paths.
Applying this two step process to our thoughts of emotional unfinished business, we could say that while we are not being instructed to abstain from the random “chochmah” thoughts that pop into our minds (over which we seem to have no control), we are commanded to abstain from exploring these distracting emotions and thoughts.
A practical way of avoiding dwelling on distracting thoughts may be to actively increase our love of Shabbos, (the ‘zachor’ aspects of Shabbas). If we love something we think about it often. In G-d Winked, Sarah Yocheved Rigler quotes Rav Dessler as teaching that there are two worlds – the world of connection and the world of estrangement. You cannot be in both worlds at the same time. Love, joy, connection fall into the first world, whereas emotions such as anger, resentment and jealousy fall into the second world. Applying this to our emotional avodah on Shabbos, the more we are thinking and dwelling on the beauty and joy of Shabbos, the more likely we are to be able to abstain from exploring after stray emotional thoughts and feelings. Not only do we focus on zachor from a physical aspect, but we can also exercise the shamor aspects in our hearts so there is little room left for negative emotions such as anger and resentment to fester.
The shamor aspects of Shabbos instruct us to avoid the 39 melachot. And here we see that the zachor elements (the positive commandments including having menucha and oneg) can actually help us to fulfil the shamor instruction to cease work, at least the “emotional work” we discussed. This focus on the zachor may be more successful than simply running away from those distracting thoughts and feelings.
A mashal might help us understand this better. Imagine that two children are squabbling. If they knew a strict school principal was about to arrive, they may automatically make a ceasefire because they fear the repercussions of the principal’s wrath if he saw them fighting. However, this ceasefire may be temporary as they may still carry hatred or negativity in their hearts. In contrast, if they knew that a lovely, powerful and beautiful queen was coming to visit, they may become so excited to prepare for her arrival together that all thoughts of fighting would fly out the window. Preparing together and positively welcoming this awesome exciting dignitary may effectively drive away all strife. As the Baal Shem Tov teaches, sometimes the best way to chase away the dark is to light a candle.
This trick of abstaining from negative or sad thoughts and emotions on Shabbas may be particularly useful for this coming Shabbat since it is really meant to be the fast day of 17th Tammuz, with the fast is being pushed off to the Sunday.
Come, let’s strive to use Shabbat to neutralise all our weekday pettiness and negativity, to the point where hopefully we will drive all unfinished, emotional business away, at least until the fast day begins.
Wishing you a beautiful, emotionally cleansing Shabbos full of true abstinence.
With bracha
Chaiya Danielle Ledder