How can the Parasha help us grow this week?
Many parents have the beautiful custom of blessing their children every Friday night.[1] The standard text includes the three pasukim that comprise the blessing given by the Kohanim.[2] Daughters are then blessed that they should emulate our Ima’ot – Sarah, Rivka, Rachel and Leah. Sons are blessed that they should emulate Ephraim and Menashe. The question is – why don’t we bless our sons that they should emulate the Avot – Avraham, Yitzchak and Yaakov, analogous to the blessing of our daughters? Why instead do we bless them to be like Ephraim and Menashe?
The answer lies in this week’s Parasha of Vayechi. Yosef brings his sons, Ephraim and Menashe, to Yaakov to receive a bracha. After giving the bracha, Yaakov issues an instruction to his descendants (i.e. us) that we should also bless our children in the name of Ephraim and Menashe.[3] We therefore follow the instruction of Yaakov Avinu and we bless our sons to be like Ephraim and Menashe.
The commentators suggest a number of reasons for this practice. We will explore two of those reasons.
Lack of sibling rivalry/envy
One reason suggested by the commentators is that Ephraim and Menashe were unique in that they had an excellent relationship without any hint of jealousy. Rivalry between siblings is very common, and the times of the Avot were no exception. The sibling rivalry that we see in the Torah was often prompted by a younger sibling receiving favourable treatment ahead of his older brother(s).
For instance, Yosef himself was a younger sibling who experienced his father’s favouritism. The resulting sibling jealousy almost cost him his life (see Parshat Vayeshev). Similarly, his father Yaakov had rivalled with Eisav and his grandfather Yitzchak had battled with Ishmael. The very first brothers in history – Cain and Hevel exhibited sibling rivalry of such great proportions that the result was fratricide!
When Yosef brought his two children to visit their grandfather and receive a blessing before Yaakov passed away, Yosef positioned the children so that his first-born, Menashe, was on the right side of Yaakov. This was in order to ensure that Menashe would receive the primary blessing. However, Yaakov deliberately crossed his hands over, ensuring that the younger son, Ephraim, received the primary blessing instead. Yaakov explained to Yosef, in the earshot of his grandsons, that his behaviour was due to the fact that the younger son Ephraim was destined to be the greater brother. (This is in fact what happened. Ephraim’s descendent Yehoshua (from the tribe of Ephraim) became the successor to Moshe and led Bnei Yisrael into the land of Israel. Later in history, after the Jewish kingdom split into two, the tribe of Ephraim became the most important tribe, and the de facto leader, of the Northern kingdom of Israel. The Northern Kingdom is often referred to as Ephraim.[4])
In contrast to the other cases of sibling rivalry that appear throughout sefer Breishit, there is no record of enmity between Ephraim and Menashe. Even when the younger sibling received the primary blessing which was usually reserved for the elder. Perhaps this is because they understood that they each had a unique role to play in the world. Or it could be because they had an accepting disposition and they were not bothered by the order of the brachot. Thus, jealousy did not intrude. Either way, this demonstrates amazing character and is sufficient reason to bless our sons to be like Ephraim and Menashe.
Resisting the temptation of negative influences
Rav Samson Raphael Hirsch offers another explanation for why we bless our children to be like Ephraim and Menashe. These two sons of Yosef were born and raised in Mitzrayim, with all of its negative influences. Like our children now, they were born and raised in exile. Yet they still managed to hold firm to their faith and were worthy enough to rise to the same status as Yaakov’s children and become tribes in their own right. Their gevurah (strength) and resilience are the perfect template for our children to emulate.
Our neighbours can have a very powerful influence over us. For instance, when the Torah describes the layout of the camp of Bnei Yisrael,[5] Rashi quotes the famous dictum: “Woe to the wicked one and woe to his neighbour”. Rashi points out that the tribe of Reuven were located next to the wicked Korach. That explains why Datan, Aviram and many men from the tribe of Reuben were drawn into the dispute with Korach and were punished with death. This theme is repeated often throughout Jewish writings.[6]
The Rambam[7] actually advises that if one cannot find good neighbours, it is better to live in seclusion! This may not be practical for us. We often need to go out into the world and expose ourselves to people and influences that we would rather avoid. Rav Zev Leff famously asks: “If we are supposed to live with the righteous, then who are they supposed to live with? Why would they agree to live with us?” However, we can still be aware of the dangers and take precautions to protect our children (and ourselves). For instance, we should choose the people that we spend time with wisely.[8] And when we, or our children, are forced to come into contact with negative influences, we need to be strong to resist those influences.
How does one know that they were successful in passing on Yiddishkeit to the future generations? It is not enough to have Jewish children. It is often said that one can only be sure of their success when they see that their grandchildren are choosing the Torah path. Yaakov saw that his grandchildren, Ephraim and Menashe, had stayed strong and faithful even though they were born and raised in the middle of the impurities of Mitzrayim. Yaakov was thus reassured that the future was in good hands.
The influences that we are subject to today are very insidious. We just finished celebrating Chanukah which celebrated the ability of the Chashmonaim to stand up to the Greek culture that had infiltrated Israel and was threatening the very existence of Judaism. The strength and resilience of Ephraim and Menashe to retain their faith and stay on the path, despite being in exile, is very admirable and certainly something that we want our children to emulate.
Let’s try something this week:
- Try to minimise favouritism, and encourage our children to focus on their own unique strengths.
- Strengthen our children from the inside to increase their chances of being resistant to the temptations of foreign culture.
- Be aware of, and try to minimise, the negative influences and associations to which we are exposed.
Chazak, Chazak Venitchazek! Shabbat shalom, Rabbi Ledder
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[1] Some communities have the custom to only bless their children on Erev Yom Kippur (e.g. Chabad).
[2] See Bamidbar 6:24-26, Parashat Nasso.
[3] Breishit 47:20 in our Parasha.
[4] For example, see Yechezkel 37:16 (which is in the Haftara that we recited last week).
[5] Bamidbar 3:29.
[6] See for example: Pirkai Avot 1:7 “Distance yourself from a bad neighbour; don’t befriend a wicked person”; Pirkai Avot 2:10 “Which is the best trait for a person to acquire… Rabbi Yossi said “a good neighbour”; Mishlei 13:20 – “He who walks with the wise will become wise, while one who associates with fools will suffer”; Tehillim 1:1 “Happy is the man who has not followed the advice of the wicked.”
[7] Hilchot De’ot 6:1.
[8] Those that are involved in kiruv often seem to be immune from such negative influences. Perhaps this is because they are busy influencing others, so they are not prone to being influenced themselves. This concept is like the well-known dictum from the laws of kashrut “idi d’tarud liflot lo bala” – a utensil that is busy giving off taste cannot at the same time absorb taste.